Sunday, December 29, 2013

Gratitude Leads to Happiness by emuna braverman

Gratitude Leads to Happiness

“It is not happy people who are thankful; it is thankful people who are happy.”
A friend of mine posted this anonymous quote on Facebook the other day.  It dovetailed neatly with the recent Wall Street Journal piece “Raising Children with an Attitude of Gratitude” by Diana Kapp (12/23/2013).
Gratitude leads to happiness.  According to a study of teens that is cited in the article, it also leads to stronger GPA’s, less depression, less envy and a more positive outlook. To get our adolescents to behave like that, most of us would do just about anything.
But we don’t have to. It turns out that all we need to do is model gratitude ourselves (which will lead to the benefit of greater personal happiness regardless of how it impacts our teens!).
However “all we have to do” may be more difficult than it sounds.  May of us may not be in the habit of expressing gratitude. In fact, we may actually be in the habit of expressing frustration, complaints, and a sense of entitlement (where do you think our kids got it from?).
So of course we are the ones that need to change first. We are the ones who need to make gratitude and appreciation a regular part of our lives.  We are the ones who must develop the “gratitude attitude.”
It is not enough to think it or feel it.  To make it real, even just for ourselves, we need to say it out loud. Likewise, if we want to model it for our children.
“Thank you for making such a delicious dinner tonight” (to the designated cook in the home).
“Thank you for going to the store for me.”
“I really appreciate that you folded my laundry.”
“Thanks for taking us on that vacation.  It was really special.”
“Wow.  What an awesome sunset the Almighty made for us.”
“We are so lucky to live in this house in this neighborhood.”
“It was really the Almighty’s kindness that brought us to this community.”
Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera (to quote one of my favorite musicals).
Yes, some of this sounds awkward. Some of it sounds artificial. You need to find your own words. And it takes practice – lots of it.
Changing behavior isn’t easy.  Enlist your family in the effort.  Ask them to help identify what to be grateful for, who to thank, what to notice and appreciate. It will impact all of you.
Sometimes gratitude is difficult because we don’t like to acknowledge our debts; we like to feel we did it on our own.  But we can’t do anything without the help of others (that proverbial “village”) and certainly not without the Almighty’s help. He deserves the biggest thanks of all. And once we’re grateful to our Creator, we will also be grateful to His creations.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Follow-Through How to grow in emuna

My own comment you can also live in Israel which is the best place for emuna, even if you are not able to do this  program

Follow-Through

Dear Rabbi Lazer,
I've read all the wonderful books you translated by your teacher Rabbi Arush. They changed my life and saved my marriage. I also drove three hours to see Rav Arush and you when you came to Los Angeles before Chanuka. I watch Breslev Israel, read Lazer Beams, and listen to all of your shiurim, but I think I need more. What can I do to follow through and move forward with my emuna? With appreciation, Dennis from California
Dear Dennis,
Have you thought of moving to Israel? Chut Shel Chesed, Rav Arush's yeshiva in Jerusalem, now has an English-language kollel headed by Rabbi Dror Moshe Cousotto who is fantastic. This could be wonderful for you. Also,our dayan and posek, Rabbi Elchanan Elgrod, is not only brilliant but an English speaker as well. If that's not enough, you can also hear shiurim by Dr. Zev Ballen, our emuna psychotherapist, and other leading rabbis. But, until you're here in person, you can catch all of them - including my shiurim - on the Breslev Israel VOD page, online. You can also have a taste of their shiurim on the right-hand toolbar of this site. Take advantage of it, and start considering aliya. With every single blessing, LB
- See more at: http://lazerbrody.typepad.com/#sthash.bGn3vjoK.dpuf

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

An Israeli Soldier to American Jews: Wake up!

An Israeli Soldier to American Jews: Wake up!

Hat tip Mpaths





By Hen Mazzig
The Times of Israel
October 10, 2013

As a young Israeli who had just completed five years of service in the IDF, I looked forward to my new job educating people in the Pacific Northwest about Israel. I was shocked, however, by the anti-Israel bigotry and hostility I encountered, especially in the greater Seattle area, Oregon, and Berkeley. I had been very liberal, a member of the leftist Zionist party, Meretz, but the anti-Semitism and hatred for Israel that I have seen in the U.S. has changed my outlook personally and politically.

As part of my work as an educator at StandWithUs, between January and May of this year, I  traveled to college campuses, high schools and churches, sharing the history of modern Israel.  I also shared personal stories about growing up in the Jewish state, and about my family. I always spoke about my military service as an officer in an IDF COGAT unit that attends to the needs of Palestinian civilians who are not involved in the conflict and promotes Palestinian civil society. Each time I would speak and take questions for an hour or more. I have shared my personal story with over 16,000 people at many, many college campuses and high schools, including UC Berkeley, Stanford, the University of Washington, Seattle University and many others. Many of those to whom I spoke were supportive, friendly, and open to hearing about my Israel. But, sadly, far too many were not.

When I served as a soldier in the West Bank, I got used to having ugly things said to me, but nothing prepared me for the misinformation, demonization of Israel, and the gut-wrenching, anti-Israel, anti-Semitic hostility expressed by many students, professors, church members, and even some high school students right here in the Pacific Northwest.

I was further shocked by how unaware the organized Jewish community is and how little they are actually doing to counter this rising anti-Semitism, which motivated me to write this article.

This new form of bigotry against Israel has been called the “new anti-Semitism,” with “Israel” replacing “Jew” in traditional anti-Semitic imagery and canards, singling out and discriminating against the Jewish state, and denying the Jewish people alone the right to self-determination. The new anti-Semitism is packaged in the Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions campaign (BDS), which claims to champion Palestinian rights though its real goal is to erode American support for Israel, discredit Jews who support Israel, and pave the way for eliminating the Jewish state. One of BDS’ central demands is the “complete right of return” for all the descendants of the original Palestinian refugees, subtle language that means the end of Israel as the Jewish homeland because it would turn Israel into a Palestinian-Arab majority state.

It is surprising that an extremist group like BDS is ever taken seriously, but BDS advocates have found receptive audiences in some circles. Their campaigns are well organized and in many cases, well financed. They have lobbied universities, corporations, food co-ops, churches, performing artists, labor unions, and other organizations to boycott Israel and companies that do business with Israel. But even if these groups don’t agree to treat Israel as a pariah state, the BDS activists manage to spread their anti-Israel misinformation, lies and prejudice simply by forcing a debate based on their false claims about Israel.

To give you a taste of the viciousness of the BDS attacks, let me cite just a few of the many shocking experiences I have had. At a BDS event in Portland, a professor from a Seattle university told the assembled crowd that the Jews of Israel have no national rights and should be forced out of the country. When I asked, “Where do you want them to go?” she calmly answered, “I don’t care. I don’t care if they don’t have any place else to go. They should not be there.” When I responded that she was calling for ethnic cleansing, both she and her supporters denied it. And during a presentation in Seattle, I spoke about my longing for peace between Israel and the Palestinians. When I was done, a woman in her 60’s stood up and yelled at me, “You are worse than the Nazis. You are just like the Nazi youth!” A number of times I was repeatedly accused of being a killer, though I have never hurt anyone in my life. On other occasions, anti-Israel activists called me a rapist. The claims go beyond being absurd – in one case, a professor asked me if I knew how many Palestinians have been raped by IDF forces. I answered that as far as I knew, none. She triumphantly responded that I was right, because, she said, “You IDF soldiers don’t rape Palestinians because Israelis are so racist and disgusted by them that you won’t touch them.”

Such irrational accusations are symptomatic of dangerous anti-Semitism. Yet, alarmingly, most mainstream American Jews are completely oblivious to this ugly movement and the threat it poses. They seem to be asleep, unaware that this anti-Jewish bigotry is peddled on campuses, by speakers in high schools, churches, and communities, and is often deceptively camouflaged in the rhetoric of human rights.

The American Jewish community and its leaders are not providing a united front to combat this latest threat. Unfortunately, this repeats a pattern of Jewish communal groups failing to unite in a timely way to counter threats against us individually and as a community.

Shockingly, a small but very vocal number of Jews actively support BDS. They often belong to organizations that prominently include “Jewish” in their names, like Jewish Voice for Peace, to give cover to BDS and the anti-Semitism that animates it. A question that we, as a Jewish community must ask ourselves, is whether it is ever appropriate to include and accept Jews who support BDS and directly or indirectly advocate the ultimate elimination of the Jewish State of Israel.

I think it is not.

My experiences in America have changed me. I never expected to encounter such hatred and lies. I never believed that such anti-Semitism still existed, especially in the U.S. I never knew that the battlefield was not just Gaza, the West Bank, and hostile Middle Eastern countries wanting to destroy Israel and kill our citizens and soldiers. It is also here in America, where a battle must be waged against prejudice and lies.

I implore American Jews: do more.

Israel cannot fight this big battle alone. If you are affiliated with a Jewish organization, let it know you want it to actively, openly and unequivocally oppose the BDS campaign and those who support it. Inform yourself, your friends and families, by visiting websites of organizations like StandWithUs, Jewish Virtual Library, AIPAC, AJC and others that will update you and provide information about BDS and anti-Semitism.

I urge the organized Jewish community and its members to wake up and stand up for the Jewish state of Israel, and for all it represents, and for all it works to achieve.

Hand-in-Hand or Hand-to-Hand?

Hand-in-Hand or Hand-to-Hand?

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Video: High Maintenance Lori almost live

Dear Emuna: Men, Women & Intimacy

Dear Emuna: Men, Women & Intimacy

Dear Emuna,
We are generally a very close and happy couple. However, there is one thing that is getting in the way. My husband is much more active and excited with intimacy than I am. It’s not that I don't enjoy it but it would never come naturally for me to initiate, and he is very disturbed by this. I know that I feel very emotionally together so I don't think that is the problem. I do however feel pressured due to the fact that I just don't get it right for him. I care about him and love him tremendously and it hurts me that I can’t seem to do what he wants. How can I help myself? Also, people talk about finding a good therapist but how would I go about looking for someone who can help me in this area?
Eager to Please
Dear Eager to Please,
In the world at large, there is a lot of talk about the physical act but very few discussions of intimacy; a lot of instructions for maximizing physical pleasure and very little about creating deep emotional bonds. The bombardment of sexual imagery and innuendo overwhelms and confuses us. It creates certain expectations about what the experience should be like and makes many of us feel like we are missing out on something.
This is a destructive and inaccurate message. I am venturing a guess that your husband is responding to these cues. He thinks that in order to have the best experience, you should initiate it. He needs a gentle education in true intimacy and the fallacy of Hollywood-style romance.
The two of you should set aside time for a real discussion of yourselves, your desires, your drives and your expectations.
Focus him on the ultimate goal – a deep and profound connection. Discuss your desire to give to him and (hopefully) his to give to you. Talk about the differences between women’s sexuality and men’s. Yes, it needs to be said; this understanding cannot be taken for granted.
We live in a hook-up culture where young women pretend that their desire operates the same way as a man’s – until they are hurt and depressed when a relationship doesn’t develop from these physical encounters.
Men (particularly single ones) have a vested interest in believing this myth. And married men may have bought into it as well. Explain to your husband that this is not the way that you (or most women) work and how you much you wish he wouldn’t let this fantasy get in the way of your real relationship.
If he is an open, caring and supportive spouse, he will understand and respond accordingly. If he doesn’t then I recommend professional help – for more than just your intimate life.

The Secret to a Happy Marriage: For Women

The Secret to a Happy Marriage: For Women

The market for marriage advice seems bottomless. I myself have written more articles than I can count on the topic (and I will probably continue to write more!). I have studied the love languages and the personality types and read book after book after book. But it recently it occurred to me that perhaps it can all be boiled down to one idea, from which everything else flows:
Make your husband your priority. Before your job, before your community work, before your children (gasp!), before your girlfriends, before your sleep (!), before your….
This is THE secret to a happy and successful marriage. (If I could bottle it, I would make a fortune). But, like much of Jewish wisdom, this is a simple concept to grasp and a difficult one to implement on a daily basis.
What does it look like practically?
Before your job: Yes, you need the income. Yes, in order to receive your salary, you need to do good work. But work needs to be left at the office. Your husband should not feel like he is competing for your attention with the brief that is due the next day. You may get more external reward for successfully completing a project in your workplace but your real effort belongs at home. It’s a funny thing; my husband frequently counsels men that when their wife calls them at work, they need to take the call (sometimes the obvious needs to be stated!) and they need to switch gears to husband mode. The same is true for us. No deadline is more important than our husband’s needs, our marriage’s needs.
Before your community work: We don’t have to be like Mrs. Jellyby in Bleak House to be guilty of neglecting our family for the “greater good.” Popular wisdom has it that women have a hard time saying no. I don’t have the scientific evidence but speaking from personal experience, that seems to be true. There are so many good causes out there, so much need within the Jewish community and the broader world at large. It’s good to give, it’s important to give; it’s setting a great example for our children. But only if we have the time and energy to do it with no cost to our marriage. If our work for the community starts to take precedence or takes a toll on our relationship with our husband, we need to pull back. It’s difficult. There are no plaques for being a good wife but this is the relationship that will outlast all the dinners and galas and other fund-raising events. I’m not putting down community work. I think it’s crucial and I like to think I am doing some myself but we need to keep our priorities straight.
Making your husband your priority is the ultimate expression of true love.
Before your children: This is a very difficult area but essential. We can’t ignore our husbands to focus on our children. It is not healthy for our marriage and it is not healthy for our children. They need to learn that the world does not revolve around them and they can be patient and wait while their parents are talking. Obviously we have to use age-appropriate judgment but I’ve heard mothers of infants explain that they need a few hours a day to play with the baby and therefore have no time for their husbands. This may be radical but very young babies do NOT need a lot of play time. They are content to sit/sleep on your lap while you converse with your spouse. A stable, happy home is a much greater gift to your children than an extra 15 minutes of floor time.
Before your sleep: This needs its own category because we are sometimes sooo tired that it’s hard to function let alone give our husbands attention. But we need to combat this. We need to find time every day to connect, to pay attention, to focus. We need to stay alert to hear about his needs and his day and we need to also conserve energy (take a nap!) in order to preserve the intimacy in our marriage. This is not an area that can be neglected until the children are older.
Before your needs: This is a broad, all-encompassing category which really suggests the attitude we should have. We want to give to our husbands. We want to do what they need or require, not in order to get back but because we care about them and this is an expression of love. It’s not difficult to rise above our own needs to take care of our children. Our many sleepless nights attest to this. But, when it comes to our marriage, to our most crucial relationship, we seem reluctant to make the effort. And we start to keep score. (Would anyone ever think of keeping score with respect to their children? Of course not. We know it’s a losing battle!) The true secret to a good marriage is to be a giver. Barring abuse and severe psychological disturbance, this will work every time. To paraphrase the Talmud, if you attend to his needs, then he will attend to yours. But it only works if that’s not your goal, if your goal really is to give to him.
Making your husband your priority is the ultimate expression of true love. Otherwise we are just fooling ourselves and it is really about me. Like I said, it’s simple to grasp but really difficult to implement.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Sign a pettion save a life

The Cohen family, of Houston, TX, is facing a battle none of us should have to go through - aggressive brain cancer in their 6-year old son Refael Elisha. Having recently received the devastating news from their doctors that "there is nothing more we can do for him", the Cohens are turning to a last resort - Antineoplaston Therapy at the Burzyinski clinic. However, the FDA pulled their approval for this treatment in 2012 pending further clinical trials. We are told that the FDA is nearing approval to resume this treatment, but Refael Elisha does not have time to wait.
The FDA has the power to approve a "compassionate use exemption" so Refael Elisha can undergo this therapy to try and save his life.
We are asking the FDA to grant this exemption so we can continue to fight for his life.

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/authorize-fda-grant-compassionate-use-exemption-refael-elisha-cohen-antineoplaston-therapy/BVSP1ZkW

Amazing program to learn all of NACH (prophets and writings in one year)

http://www.azamra.org/NaCh.shtml

You can get these sent to your e-mail daily.  They are AMAZING!

Monday, December 9, 2013

A nation of miracles

A nation of miracles

A nation of miracles

Miracles"For the people of Israel, miracles are the way of nature, for the people of Israel are above nature." Rebbe Nachman of Breslev
Don't be upset with the nations of the world because they don't understand us; they're not capable of understanding us.
Many of our own brothers and sisters don't know what it means to be a Jew, so what can we possibly expect from our neighbors? One of life's biggest tragedies is when the King's own son and daughter don't know who their father is.
Our Father in Heaven can do whatever He wants, whenever He wants. Nature is nothing more than a tool in His hands. Whenever He so desires, He overrides nature. We call that miracles, but for Hashem, it's business as usual.
How can we invoke miracles?
My beloved teacher and spiritual guide Rabbi Shalom Arush says that if you haven't yet seen a miracle today, it's because you haven't said thank-you to Hashem today. So what are you waiting for?
- See more at: http://lazerbrody.typepad.com/#sthash.1rtI0n3I.dpuf

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Five Reasons a Good Marriage is Essential for Parenting by Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin

Five Reasons a Good Marriage is Essential for Parenting

You’re passionate about raising your children in the best possible way. You’ve attended parenting classes, read books, and have been conscientious about being a good mom or dad. There’s one key ingredient that you might have forgotten, and that’s the relationship with the one who helped make you a parent in the first place: your spouse. Working on your marriage may be the You’re passionate about raising your children in the best possible way. You’ve attended parenting classes, read books, and have been conscientious about being a good mom or dad. There’s one key ingredient that you might have forgotten, and that’s the relationship with the one who helped make you a parent in the first place: your spouse. Working on your marriage may be the most important thing you’ll ever do to ensure the emotional health of your children.
Here’s how:
1. Structure and stability: Children need structure and stability. They have special antennas to pick up tension. When they sense you aren’t getting along, they won’t tell you directly, but they’ll be sure to act out. Your children need to feel taken care of and protected. If your relationship is chaotic, you’ll create a home environment of chaos. A stable marriage provides a comfortable framework, where your kids can focus on being kids and not be distracted by the anxiety that something is wrong at home. Children actually think they are to blame for your upset. They won’t realize that your bad mood is because you aren’t getting along with your spouse.
2. Parenting on the same page: Parents need to show a united front. If you don’t get along with your spouse, it will be quite a challenge to work together as parents. When you have diverging views on raising your kids, the children get stuck in the middle and wind up taking sides. In most relationships, one parent assumes the role of disciplinarian while the other is more laissez-faire. If both parents work together, they can parent in a balanced way. If they can’t, they risk making one parent the bad guy and undermining the parent-child relationship. While even the most connected couples may have a difference of opinions on child-rearing, they’re able to work through their differences and parent effectively. Learn how to work together so you can be on the same page for your kids.
3. Modeling healthy relationships: History repeats itself, and this is certainly true when it comes to relationships. I have seen many young couples experiencing the same relationship breakdown they saw in their homes. More important than any book or speech is how we model to our children. The relationship your children witness in your home will be the factor that impacts most in how they’ll conduct themselves in their own relationships. Most parents wish they could leave their child an inheritance. Even if you have no money to leave, you can give them the gift of seeing a loving, stable marriage. If you are suffering in your marriage, you surely won’t want your kids to experience what you’re going through. Work on your relationship so you can spare them the grief and provide a model they can look forward to.
4. Accepting your child: The best way to practice being a good parent is to learn how to be a good spouse. When you employ relationship skills with your spouse, you’ll have a much easier time applying them to your children. One of the greatest challenges in any relationship is fully accepting the other. As you learn to exercise your compassion muscle by listening to your spouse without judgment and making space for him/her, you’ll find it easier to do so with your kids. When you accept your children by validating their feelings without reacting, you help build their self-esteem. Even when you disagree, you can assure them that their feelings make sense. Working on your marriage gives you invaluable experiencing. By the time your children grow old enough to articulate themselves, you’ll be prepared to be there for them in a caring and empathic way.
5. You won’t lash out at the kids: Children can be quite a handful at times. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and have no help, your real anger may be with your spouse, but the immediate victims will be the kids. Being more irritable in general, you’re likely to yell at them when they get too hard to handle. They’ll bear the brunt of issues that you could have worked out with your spouse. When you’re feeling good about your spouse and have an open line of communication, your stress threshold will be lower, and you are less likely to lash out at innocent bystanders.
You owe it to your children to make your marriage great. A vibrant marriage will help provide structure and stability for your kids, enable you to parent them on the same page, model healthy relationships, learn relationship skills that will help you accept your children, and make sure your frustration doesn’t come to hurt your kids. Take action today for your marriage, for kid’s sake!

most important thing you’ll ever do to ensure the emotional health of your children.
Here’s how:
1. Structure and stability: Children need structure and stability. They have special antennas to pick up tension. When they sense you aren’t getting along, they won’t tell you directly, but they’ll be sure to act out. Your children need to feel taken care of and protected. If your relationship is chaotic, you’ll create a home environment of chaos. A stable marriage provides a comfortable framework, where your kids can focus on being kids and not be distracted by the anxiety that something is wrong at home. Children actually think they are to blame for your upset. They won’t realize that your bad mood is because you aren’t getting along with your spouse.
2. Parenting on the same page: Parents need to show a united front. If you don’t get along with your spouse, it will be quite a challenge to work together as parents. When you have diverging views on raising your kids, the children get stuck in the middle and wind up taking sides. In most relationships, one parent assumes the role of disciplinarian while the other is more laissez-faire. If both parents work together, they can parent in a balanced way. If they can’t, they risk making one parent the bad guy and undermining the parent-child relationship. While even the most connected couples may have a difference of opinions on child-rearing, they’re able to work through their differences and parent effectively. Learn how to work together so you can be on the same page for your kids.
3. Modeling healthy relationships: History repeats itself, and this is certainly true when it comes to relationships. I have seen many young couples experiencing the same relationship breakdown they saw in their homes. More important than any book or speech is how we model to our children. The relationship your children witness in your home will be the factor that impacts most in how they’ll conduct themselves in their own relationships. Most parents wish they could leave their child an inheritance. Even if you have no money to leave, you can give them the gift of seeing a loving, stable marriage. If you are suffering in your marriage, you surely won’t want your kids to experience what you’re going through. Work on your relationship so you can spare them the grief and provide a model they can look forward to.
4. Accepting your child: The best way to practice being a good parent is to learn how to be a good spouse. When you employ relationship skills with your spouse, you’ll have a much easier time applying them to your children. One of the greatest challenges in any relationship is fully accepting the other. As you learn to exercise your compassion muscle by listening to your spouse without judgment and making space for him/her, you’ll find it easier to do so with your kids. When you accept your children by validating their feelings without reacting, you help build their self-esteem. Even when you disagree, you can assure them that their feelings make sense. Working on your marriage gives you invaluable experiencing. By the time your children grow old enough to articulate themselves, you’ll be prepared to be there for them in a caring and empathic way.
5. You won’t lash out at the kids: Children can be quite a handful at times. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and have no help, your real anger may be with your spouse, but the immediate victims will be the kids. Being more irritable in general, you’re likely to yell at them when they get too hard to handle. They’ll bear the brunt of issues that you could have worked out with your spouse. When you’re feeling good about your spouse and have an open line of communication, your stress threshold will be lower, and you are less likely to lash out at innocent bystanders.
You owe it to your children to make your marriage great. A vibrant marriage will help provide structure and stability for your kids, enable you to parent them on the same page, model healthy relationships, learn relationship skills that will help you accept your children, and make sure your frustration doesn’t come to hurt your kids. Take action today for your marriage, for kid’s sake!


Thursday, December 5, 2013

Science and Prayer by Gutman Locks

Science and Prayer

From Reb Gutman



     Here are some facts about belief in G-d and prayer that recent studies have shown. The interesting thing about these studies is that the results they show are not necessarily from prayers being answered, but merely about what happens when you pray.

Talking to G-d boosts emotional stability and self-control over your behavior.
Prayer as a coping response to the high demands in life brings an increased ability to resist temptation.
People who pray have reduced levels of infidelity and alcohol consumption.
Belief in G-d significantly improves treatment for depression. More than 30 percent of patients claiming no specific religious affiliation still saw the same benefits in treatment if their belief in God was rated as moderately or very high. Patients with 'no' or only 'slight' belief in God were twice as likely not to respond to treatment as patients with higher levels of belief.

     Believing in, and talking to G-d, improves your life. It is pleasant, easy, free, and now even scientifically proven to help. You do not have to wait for a minyan (quorum) or even go to the synagogue to pray. You can talk to G-d wherever you are, whenever you want good company.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Mother-in-law's too high expectations letter to Rabbi Brody

Mother-in-law's too high expectations

Dear Rabbi Brody,
I have written to you before and you have been so helpful in the past. Perhaps you can advise me now. I underwent surgery about 2 weeks ago and I am now recovering at home and doing well, baruch Hashem. My son and daughter in law called me at the hospital every day. But now that I am home I only hear from them every 5 or 6 days. My son works 5 days a week and they have 4 wonderful young children. I am trying very hard not to feel as if they are not interested in my daily progress, but, to tell you the truth, that is how I do feel. I have tried to give the benefit of the doubt... but it is not working. Please help me. With thanks, Frida from Flatbush
B"H Dear Frida,
The more you have expectations, the more you are disappointed (see The Trail to Tranquility, pp. 55-56). You have lots of free time while you're recovering, but your son and daughter in law are up-to-the-eyeballs busy raising children and making a living. One cannot attain happiness from self-indulgence or dependency on others. When you were hospitalized, your son and daughter in-law were on high alert so they called every day out of concern; but, one can't be on high alert perpetually. On a routine basis, it's terrific for a daughter in law to call every 5 days! Thank Hashem for your marvelous good fortune rather than complain. You are blessed, so be happy! It's important to judge others fairly. Would you believe that many women complain to me that their daughters in-law call them less than once a month? You are indeed a lucky woman. Don't ever forget that Hashem does everything for the best. Blessings and a speedy recovery, LB
Dear Rabbi Brody,

WOW! your letter was great. I guess I needed some strong and on target words from  you, Rabbi. What a mitzvah you had. I cannot thank you enough. I printed out this letter and put it on my refrigerator door. Perhaps you might consider a book related to questions people have asked you over the years and your wonderful responses. Thanks so much, Frida

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Rav Arush Love Heals A MUST READ!

A person who listens to my CDs has a son who fell into a difficult emotional situation. The boy began to have all sorts of fears. He acted in a disoriented manner and lost desire to go to school. His mother fought with him every morning to get up, get dressed and put on his shoes; every single step was a struggle to get the boy to move. By ten o’clock, they still hadn’t sent him off to school. This unbearable situation recurred every morning.

The parents took him to a psychiatrist who prescribed medication that basically destroyed their son's life. He became even more nervous and emotionally difficult. The parents stopped the medication on their own initiative and switched from the psychiatrist to a psychologist, but to no avail. The latter tried to help according to his knowledge, but without any success. After months of work with the child, nothing helped. The child’s situation only continued to deteriorate.

During this entire period, the father, who follows my teachings, invested an hour daily in personal prayer, http://www.breslev.co.il/userfiles/image/English/02/002/1loveheal.jpgpleading for his child. Hashem instilled him with the idea to stop evaluating himself, but instead, to invest all his efforts in praying for his child. 

And so, it began. Every morning, at 6:00 am, he’d come to the child, hug and kiss him, and tell him loving words, like “You are my beloved child, my light, come, and I’ll help you.” Every single morning, he woke the child, lavishing him with softness, love, and kind words. Soon, the child began to get up. In time, he got up early and became completely healthy, thanks to a loving father's prayers, patience and encouragement. 

Love is capable of healing a child from even the most difficult psychological ailments. 

The above story is a shining example of parental love and dedication. The father sacrificed his own spirituality - his participation in a sunrise minyan and his pre-prayer Gemara learning - to give all his attention to his son. It’s important to point this out, because many times a father is pressured from his own life circumstances. Yet, saving one's child jumps to the top of one's priority list. 

In these situations, generally speaking, a mother cannot deal. She is very busy in the morning with the other children and other preparations, and she does not have the same ability, or the patience, to give as the husband does. Therefore, it must be the father who needs to sacrifice for his child.

Even so, when I heard this story I was reminded of my mother, may she rest in peace, who was exceptional in this area. It’s unbelievable how Hashem can give such a giant heart to simple people who don’t even know how to read or write.

When we got up in the morning, everything was ready! Food was prepared for school, and the home clean and organized. There was no such thing that a child would leave for school without drinking or eating something. And the blessings she gave us! She’d heap upon our heads such good wishes that would accompany us all day! Endless warmth and love! That's how our day started. Such a climate gives children strength and emotional health with no comparison.

From the above story, we learn that love heals. Rebbe Nachman asks, “Is there merit in belittling another person? There's only merit in uplifting him!” When we see someone with a problem - a child, a friend, a spouse - do we jump on them and make things worse? Certainly not! Helping uplift them with warmth and love is what's praiseworthy.

The approach of love and patience helps solve any problem, not just that of getting up in the morning. Sometimes, I'll pray for a child for two weeks before I approach him to try and rectify something. I wait until an opportune time comes when I can approach the child with love, and I tell him a story or learn with him on the topic that he needs help in, and I see miracles!


There are many examples: a child who doesn’t pray well – when the right moment comes, I tell him a story of the power of prayer, of the virtue of praying with intent, and so forth. After that, he usually prays beautifully. With a lot of love and warmth, we can accomplish what rebuke cannot.